Power of Friendship and Ginwala Oration by women surgeons. 

Change is very difficult … for body as well as mind. In the recent past I have put myself through some real big changes. Change of place, culture, people, weather …. It’s overwhelming … the journey to self-actualization, in my case has not been easy from the word go … but then who is complaining. Yet at times one reaches a stage where one feels stuck and hopeless … one doubts every decision that has ever been taken …. there is complete globalizing with self-doubt ….one feels like a loser … an idiot...while world is making some smart good decisions and moving from good to better … my decisions lead me to an isolated corner of the country ….no body to call my own and all plans falling flat on my face … and I wonder and doubt my sanity … am I making any sense. … did I ever make any sense in the past or the past success or goodtime was outcome of mere fluke …one thing is clear, at this rate I will never give Ginwala’s Oration for sure, which is a dream of every maxillofacial surgeon of this country as soon as she attends her first National conference … at this juncture am very far from realizing of this dream, may be never  … 

 

Difficult road-less-travelled kind of decisions when taken and when the outcomes don’t match the expectations, can be very stressful to face … before others lose trust on you… you yourself enter into the deep pit of self-doubt and whatnot …

 

Such is my state right now and the one thing that’s keeping me from drowning is all the love and generosity of my friends who just don’t care whether am right or wrong, success or a failure … they are unconditionally there for me …for me. I mean we have seen Bollywood movies on friendships and sung songs on deep eternal friendships … but in my observation of living in small towns and cities, most of India is still about families … about blood being thicker than water … and also we know through evidence based in literature , for women professionals to stay in work force and contribute effectively , family support is one of the most important variable in their professional success … yet this may not be always possible for everyone … we have no choice over which family we are born in … and if our interests and minds do not cohere with our family members ,should that mean end of our careers … our dreams ?

 

So, the next strategy is to save money make investments … be independent … yet at times this may also fail too due to several variables like lack of good judgements and Jamtara like experiences, pandemic or some other health catastrophe.

 

Its human investment that has never failed me in my life. Connecting with my friends authentically …being with them in times of joy and sorrow …apologizing with them when screwups happen (like forgetting their birthdays each year)  … not judging them or at least not for long … sharing deep insecurities and dark secrets …. accepting them for who they are …. Making them feel that they are accepted and loved in their most authentic selves.

 

During this time of life when I can confidently say am at rock bottom … it’s these awesome amazing friendships  which  are my life line giving me wise hope that it’s all ok … that I still have it in me to make a fresh start … that I will survive.

 

Hence, I often wonder, when my women colleagues tell me that besides work, they hardly have any time for friendships. … its more common phenomenon with us women professionals than men, men even after whole days work take some time off for few drinks with their male pals and destress but women don’t … because women tend to keep that spare time for their kids and other family duties … I feel this is not a very healthy or smart thing to do … women being emotional creatures, our friendships not just help us survive some difficult times, but we even thrive due to them.  We become joyous and regain our enthusiasm and also evolve, through these valuable gifts of nature, which are our friendships… this is something anyone can choose to have unlike family where we have no choice. 

So, what’s stopping us from reaching the sky …. Let’s hold hands … be friends ... and help one another reach her true potential together.

The other day someone told me … competition is a passe, now is the time for great collaborations and Friendships.

 

In my opinion, this is a sure shot way for several women surgeon’s giving Ginwala’s oration and much more in coming years.